Over the past few weeks, many children have headed back to school. In my Eagan therapy practice, one of the biggest school-related stressors that I hear about is related to social interactions. This is something children and their parents talk about year round, but especially at the beginning of the school year. Kids often worry about making friends and being liked. Parents often wonder how their child’s social skills compare to other children and worry about their children developing healthy relationships with their peers. In this post, I will explore how we can help our children identify and cope with the emotions they have about interacting with their peers and develop healthy social skills.

• Don’t assume that your child has the same emotional response to peer interactions that you do.  Ask your child how they feel about interacting with their classmates. Validate and demonstrate empathy for whatever emotions your child shares. Possible emotions your child may share include; excitement, anxiety, frustration, confusion and more.

• If your child shares that social interactions are difficult or anxiety provoking ask them to tell you more. Ask if there are ways that you can be helpful to them. If you have a suggestion that you would like to share, ask your child’s permission to do so first. Sometimes children may feel like we are trying to “fix” the problem when we share suggestions and they don’t always want this type of assistance.

• Often times when children are anxious about peer interactions, you may notice that they have negative thoughts about themselves. Support the child in identifying and challenging inaccurate thoughts they may have while also continuing to demonstrate empathy for them. For example, if a child says “No one will like me” try to explore that further by saying “You are worried that no one will like you. I wonder what makes you think no one will like you?” Additional responses would depend on your child’s answer.

• Gently, encourage your children to participate in structured activities that they enjoy with other children. Children who are anxious about social interactions often become more anxious if they avoid interactions. Help your child identify activities (or individuals) that are less anxiety provoking and support them in using healthy coping strategies to manage their anxiety as they engage in these situations. For example, some children may feel more comfortable interacting with one or two peers versus a large group of peers.

• Offer your child the opportunity to invite other children to your home. If a child feels anxious about peer interactions, interacting in a safe, comfortable environment may help relieve some of your child’s anxiety.

• Consider the use of role plays with your child. Role plays can be used to help children practice approaching a new friend, managing conflict or asserting themselves.

• Provide feedback when you observe your child interacting with peers, but consider the appropriate setting to share feedback in order to avoid embarrassing your child. Notice when they used a coping strategy to successfully manage anxiety. Recognize their ability to handle a conflict with a peer. Gently re-direct your child if they behaved in a concerning way with a peer.

• If your child’s anxiety about peer interactions is very intrusive and interferes with their daily functioning, consider getting additional support from a professional. Feel free to contact me at sarah@sarahleitschuhcounseling.com if you would like to discuss how I may be able to support your child.  Click here to read about Social Anxiety Disorder

I am curious to hear about what strategies you have found to be helpful when your child faces anxiety about peer interactions. Please feel free to leave a comment below.

If you would like to learn more about helping children develop healthy social skills, consider attending my Fostering Healthy Social Skills workshops.  Click here to check the current workshop schedule.